NEWS FLASH BITCHES!!!

I just bought a shirt in a size MEDIUM!!!!! Oh yeah I did, fuck yeah!

And I got a pair of jeans NOT in the big girl section! Oh hells yeah!

Okay, that's all for now!

Peace out homies!

Tanned Fat Really Does Look Better!

The other day as I was home for Christmas, my sis, hubby and I were waiting for the kids to be good and asleep before we got the stuff out from Santa, we were watching Fear Factor-Family. I am NOT a fan of this show at all. My hubby must had been in charge of the remote that night.

So, we were watching Fear Factor and this one challenge was to crawl through pig fat with pig parts in it and pass a cow tongue to the other person through a small hole and then that person had to crawl back though the pig fat and drop the tongue into a bucket<you all see why I hate this show? Makes me want to fucking vomit to watch>

Anyway, while they were doing this something about it seemed to be familiar to me. What could it have been? Was I having de ja vu<sp?>? Had I seen it before? I could not remember seeing it before. So we watched it and then did the Santa gifts and then went on to bed.<I am sure at some point during this time I crammed my fat face full of candy, remember my earlier post? Fat Ass!>

So the next time I was getting ready to take a shower it hit me as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror,scary fucking sight if I do say do>, that is why I remembered that part of the show! My fucking ass and thighs look just like the pig fat they were crawling though. Oh gross! That it why I remember that, because I HAD seen it before, in the fucking mirror! FAT...WHITE...PALE....FAT! Looked like I had chewed up bubble gum all over my ass and thighs!

So, my thought is, tanned fat looks better. It really does. I would much rather see my fat all nice and brown than all white and pasty looking. My question is, do I go lay in a tanning bed so my fat looks better in the winter? I mean I really like to tan but I am not all about the effects of it. I do NOT want to have early wrinkles and I do NOT want to look like leather. But I DO want my fat to look better and it does look better tanned.

Oh jeeze the decisions a big girl has to make in her life!

Is Slob A Style?

Because if it is I am totally in style!< I fucking say that like it a good thing and it is NOT>

I believe I have turned into a slob when it comes to the way I dress. I am not sure what happened and when it happened but it did.

I used to have style, I KNOW I did because when I went through all of my itty bitty tiny clothes I was like, wow, this is cute and very stylish, did I really wear that? And someone just said to me, what happened to you? You used to be so crazy and wear crazy clothes with color and did not care what people thought about you, I want her back.

I will admit my color wheel is no longer round with all the beautiful colors of the rainbow, now it is more like....flat! Black seems to win in my closet now. Mixed in with some gray and pink.

Hell my hair and makeup is slob style. I keep my hair straight and parted on the side.....boring. And my makeup seems to be less and less....boring. Fuck my shoes are boring too<and that is just because I hate all the styles out right now>.

So my style of slob is all about blending in and not being noticed and all about comfort. My normal day to day outfit consists of:
baggie jeans
black baggie shirt
tennis shoes
same black earrings
little makeup
straight hair
<shit now that I typed it out I realize how fucking lame I am, what the hell is wrong with me?>

I think it all began when I stared to gain weight. I did not want to be seen at all. I wanted to be a wall flower and blend in. And then as I gained weight I wanted comfort. Nothing tight. I mean who the hell wants to see a fat girl in tight clothing. NOT ME!

I think I forgotten how to dress. My soul sister is trying to get me to think outside of my comfortable box. I am trying. Hell I wore big silver hoop earrings and khaki pants yesterday with a cute pair of brown shoes<okay so I had a meeting at the office and as soon as I got home I changed back into my slob uniform, so, get the fuck off me, you have done it too. At least I waited till evening to change into my jammie pants>

I thought I was better this summer when I was wearing brightly colored shirts<granted I bought 7 of them all the same size and style> I guess when I find something I "think" I look good in I buy one in every color.

So I am hoping with me losing weight I may find that style I used to have. That crazy I don't care what people think about me style. I want that style back but I will have to take baby steps I guess.

Maybe someone should call What Not To Wear for me. I am sure those two would have a hay day going through my closet. Or maybe I just need a stylist. Any takers?

I fell off the wagon BIG TIME, and I fell right on my big fat ass!

It all started the Thursday before Christmas. My wonderful husband and I always exchange gifts with just each other before we head home to the family.
We always do stocking stuffers too. I like to put gum, chapstick, dental floss, socks and a little bit of chocolate in his stocking. Things he is always running out of and will just never remember to buy. <now remember I said a little bit of chocolate> He opened his and was delighted at the things I had got for him in there.
Me on the other had was appalled at the stuff he put in mine. He stuffed it so full of candy that it would not all fit. ALL CHOCOLATE and candies. Oh and a iTunes card, but everything else was candy, oh and some gum, the sugarfree kinda that I like, but EVERYTHING else was chocolate!
Let's see there was a big bag of the mini peanut butter cups<LOVE those little fuckers>, a bag of dark chocolate squares<I know they say dark chocolate is good for you but not in the quantity I eat dark chocolate>, a box of dark chocolate covered cherries<another one of my favs, damn they are good>, a tube of mini M&Ms<which BTW, HE ate!>, a couple of chocolate covered marshmallow Santas<hell I could eat those 24-7>, a bag of dark chocolate Kisses<again not so good for you when you eat the entire fucking bag in one sitting>, and finally a small bag of assorted Jelly Belly jelly beans, a SMALL BAG, these fuckers are FAT FREE and only a couple of calories each and he gets me a small fucking bag!
Anyway, after we open all the gifts we gave each other<we both spent too much on each other but who the hell cares, we don't have kids so we spend it on each other> I start in gorging myself with the candy. Like a fat chick at an all you can eat chocolate buffet! Oh yeah, that was me. I could not eat enough! Finally I stopped and felt like shit. What had I done to myself? Do I go make myself throw up? Hell No! That was a lot of money spent on that chocolate. So I promise myself I will be good for the rest of Christmas and so I pre-measured my shakes and told myself I was going to drink them.
The next day I woke up with a clear mind and a strong heart that I would be good UNTIL.........
My hubby's boss called and said "you have to stop by I have stuff for you". So we went by and she had a loaf of homemade spice bread and a container of cookies and candy. WTF people? She said we could snack on it on our road trip home. Oh jeeze thanks A LOT!<no really it was really nice of her to do that but I have no control>
So we started our journey home and my wonderful sis starts texting me. I made cinnamon candy. Next text, I made peanut butter balls. Next text, I made white chocolate pretzels<and she even sent a picture> Next text, hey I also made cheese logs. OMG what is she trying to do to me? I love all of those things!
Then she informed me that my mother was making two different kinds of fudge AND pumpkin bread. I AM IN DIETERS HELL!!!!
So, there I was surrounded by my family eating like a fat girl at an all you can eat candy buffet! I ate and ate then I ate some more. Oh wait, I forgot to tell you, I made rocky road candy too, I LOVE that shit and ate it till I almost burst open to reveal a chocolate wonderfall<you know like they have at Golden Coral>
So yesterday as I was packing up to leave my sister says, what all are you taking showing me like Vanna White all the goodies leftover. I told I ain't taking shit home! She looked at me like I was crazy. Well? I am fucking crazy....for goodies! She said well at least you can take a loaf of pumpkin bread. Okay I said I would do that. Pumpkin is good for you and it has nuts in it so that is good for you<hey back up off me fuckers, yes I am trying to justify eating pumpkin bread>so I took a loaf.
We finally get home and I see all the crap I got in my stocking. UGH! I HAD to have a few things because the diet was starting AGAIN tomorrow so I ate a few and enjoyed then....UNTIL.....I hopped my fat ass on the scale and about passed out!
So here I sit, drinking my diet shake and kicking myself in the fat ass for destroying all the hard work I had done. Fucking Christmas goodies anyway!

Chocolate Therapy

So, it is that time of year that I have to go to my hubby's Holiday <why the fuck we cannot call it Christmas is stupid>party.

I usually dread this every year because the hubby works with mostly women, well girls and they are young and pretty and thin<skinny bitches>.

This year I am wanting to show off my lose of 12 pounds! Fucking-A I said 12 pounds!!!! So I have a soul sister that I think is very fashion forward and I am well.....fashion stuck. She said she would help me find an outfit to wear to this party. I am feeling so good about the weight I have lost and I am on cloud 9!

She suggested that black slacks are always a good way to go for these types of things since I am not ready for a dress. I told her I would go get a new pair and then we would meet the next day for a shopping trip for a festive top and some accessories. YAY! I think she has great style!

So out my hubby and I went to my favorite big girl store when I do not want to spend a lot of money.....Gordman's. They have a great Misses Plus section for career clothes and that is where I usually shop for my work clothes<not any more bitches because I can work in my jammie pants if I want to...jealous?>

I found a nice black pair of slacks in one size smaller than I am wearing right now. Now let me remind you I am wearing clothes that I am swimming in. Seriously, remember my post about the family of five that moved out of the seat of my pants, well now it looks like a family of ten moved out or a shit my pants. These jeans are big on me. Anyway, I went into the fitting room<and that is exactly what the fuck they are, fitting rooms, will my fat ass be fitting into these pants today?> I walked in there with my head held high<I actually think I was shaking my ass when I walked too...I thought I looked goooood>

I took off my too big for me jeans and tried to shove my big fat ass into these black slacks. I was able to get them up and button them but I looked like a......well......I don't know what the hell I looked like but whatever it was it was NASTY! What the hell? I freaking lost 12 freaking pounds and I cannot fit into one size smaller.

I was so pissed I left the fucking pants in the fitting room because my ass was not fitting into these pants. I came out and told my hubby....LET'S GO NOW!

We still needed to go to another one of my favorite stores, Walgreens. So you want to know what the hell I did? Well do ya?

I bought myself a chocolate marshmallow Santa and a peanut butter Christmas tree and stuffed them into my mouth as fast as possible.

I feel deflated! So fuck it, I am having some chocolate therapy!

THAT Day is Almost Here...Oh Joy!

That day is quickly approaching me. Yes, that day that all big girls hate<really we do, I know, I know everyone thinks it is our favorite day of the year, but it is NOT, surprised?> That day is Thanksgiving. I hate that day! I know that day is about giving thanks and being with family but it is a steep up hill struggle for a big girl. I have actually been at Thanksgiving dinners where I know fuckers are watching me to see how much the big girl eats or how many times I will go back for seconds, thirds and fourths. I NEVER eat a bunch, or I try not too because I KNOW people are watching me.

Why the hell do we have a holiday centered around FOOD? It really is all about the food, and a whole hellava lot of it!

A normal meal, for me, and what I cook, consists of a protein, a veggie and a starch. NOT Thanksgiving dinner, oh hells no!

There is usually 2 main proteins:
-a big ass turkey
-a big ass ham<why a ham you say, ham is for Easter, well not everyone likes turkey so what the hell, cook up a ham too>

Veggies, well let's count them:
-the green bean casserole
-the corn
-the salads<yes I said salads with an S> usually there is 2
-the stuffed celery<of course stuffed with cheese, what else would you fucking stuff celery with you fool!>

Starches, gotta have them:
-the sweet potatoes
-the mashed potatoes
-the stuffing
-dinner rolls
<all with TONS of butter>

Now let's take a look at the section I like to call..............
Others:
-gravy, and it goes on the turkey, the mashed potatoes, the stuffing and you sop up what is left of the gravy on your plate with a dinner roll or two or three.
-a cheese platter, WTF for you say, to fucking munch on before and after the meal
-deviled eggs<causes all kinds of nasty gas in males but they insist on having them>
-some sort of cranberry shit, either in the form of jelly that slides out of a can or a cranberry salad or a mold of some sort

And for the finale.....yes desserts!
-a pumpkin pie WITH whipped cream
-a pecan pie
-cherry stuff<yes that is the name of it, my family has been making it for years and THAT is what the hell we call it>

So, you tell me why the hell we need all of that food on this one day of the year, well wait, there still is Christmas dinner and then Easter dinner. Why the fuck is it all about food?

Thank Gawd They Came Today!!!!

Thank You you Lord Jesus my diet shakes came in the mail this afternoon. I thought I was going to blow the entire 9 pound lose on the entire fucking tub of cookie dough.

So, now what do I do? I have ate a lot of it and I do not want my hubby to know. I am embarrassed about it, ashamed even<oh fuck off, you know you have done shit like that too, don't you judge me>

So, do I go out and buy another tub and transfer the dough into the original tub and then take the empty tub to the office and throw it in the trash there? No, wait, that won't work the hubby helps me clean the office.

Do I hide it under the trash already in the trash can? Do I hide it under the bed? I feel like I am an addict trying to hide my drugs. I mean the shit IS like crack I guess. Well hell now do I need to check myself into a facility because of my so called "habit"?

Maybe he will just forget about it even being in there! Yeah that's it! I mean it is not like HE is going to BAKE something. HA! Yes I did just laugh out loud as I typed that...him...baking...HA!

Okay for now that is my plan, hope that he will forget that it is up there and I will get back on track first thing tomorrow morning with one of my yummy diet shakes. <shit...did you hear that? It's that fucking cookie dough and it is talking to me...SHUT THE FUCK UP IN THERE would you, and tell that ice cream it can fuck off too.....fuckers>

Okay back to me getting back in charge.....peace out homes!

Why the hell would you do that to a girl like ME?

So as you all are aware of ice cream is a weakness to me <ya think? I think I am actually an fucking addict!> But another thing I have a weakness for is chocolate chip cookie dough. Oh man that shit is gooooood!

Well Sunday night my great nephew brought by a tub that my wonderful husband had bought from his son. WTF? OMFG! Really? Why the fuck would you do that when he knows I am on a diet and so is he for that matter. <oh BTW, he was asked to be Santa at work because he has a belly that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly! HA! I LMFAO when he told he that!> Anyway here it is a big ass tub of chocolate CHUNK cookie dough.

So he asks me, will you bake some of those up? Okay I will do that but only one cookie sheet full and I am making them super small. I made some and I ate a few. A few will not kill me right?

The next morning I realize I am out of my diet shake mix and it will not be here till Wednesday. Just knowing that made me think I was fucking starving and there was nothing in the house that I would not eat but all I have in the house is healthy things. So I snacked on some carrots and a slice of ham.

I opened the freeze and saw, yup the Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I actually took it out of the freezer and opened it and looked at it, yup still there. <fucker> Then I went to close the freezer door and saw that damn cookie dough. Hello lover!!! I pulled it out and sat it on the counter. I opened it up and realized it was froze solid. Sweet, no way to munch on that...WRONG! I dug out the melon baller and went to town on that shit. What the fuck am I doing to myself? I worked so hard and have been so good and lost 9 pounds and here I am scraping the shit out of a frozen tub of cookie dough with a melon baller. I have reached an all time low in my life. You fat fuck!

Lord how I hope that shake mix comes soon as I may eat that entire tub of cookie dough and the stupid fucking Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream. THAT is why during a diet I should not have that shit in the house. If it is not here I will not eat it and I sure in the hell am not going to get my lazy ass up to go to the store to buy something like that. Maybe I should send it to the office with Santa and he can have his "bitches" <as he calls them> eat on it there. Hell they have a full kitchen and can bake those fuckers up then they would be out of my mind for good.

Pray that my shake mix comes soon! Fucking cookie dough anyway!

I can see a change, finally!!!!

So even though I have not lost anymore weight since Saturday<fucking pissed about that right there>I did notice something today with my body! <BTW I have not gained any of it back bitches>

As I was getting dressed I happen to look down at my belly button. Now let me remind you I used to have a very cute little belly button. It was all tan and little and had the sweetest little belly button ring in it with a little cute danglie daisy. It WAS cute until I put on this massive amount of weight! Then it was just plan nasty!

Today it looked different than it had in a couple of years. It had gotten to looking like, well how do I say it, well it looked like an eye that was squinting, or like it was shut. It was like, where did my belly button go and why is there no longer a round hole where it should be. My fat was taking over my belly button, my cute little belly button<oh and I took the belly ring out years ago because no one wants to see a fat girl's belly button, let along it being pierced, hell I didn't want to see that fucking thing. So I took it out and now there is just a hole, a hole by the hole where my cute little belly button should be>. Today it looked round again like the eye is opening<not all the way, jeeze, slow down fuckers, I am not breaking weight lose records here> but it is starting to look somewhat like a chubby belly button and not just a obese belly button. I bet you could look in there and see the<no not the light at the end out the tunnel, stupid ass> a belly button!

So I am seeing a change in what my body looks like<to me>! This IS progress!!!!

What in the Tarnation Happened?

I was losing weight and now nothing. I have not lost a single pound since Saturday! I am NOT happy at all about this. I mean 8 pounds in one week then nothing. Makes me was to listen to the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream that keeps taunting me in the freezer!

Maybe my body is like, what the fuck, and is just sitting in neutral, shocked at the lose of 8 pounds that it worked so hard to put on. My body invested a lot of time in those 8 pounds. Maybe it is sad and really misses the 8 pounds.

Whatever it is, it better snap out of it and get to losing again!

A Family of Five Moved Out of the Seat of My Pants and......

it is a good thing!

I have lost 8 pounds so far! Before today I had not been able to see or feel the weight I have lost. I did up all the laundry this past weekend and got my Trouser Jeans<L.O.V.E.>out and ironed them up for a new day. I put them on and hey, what the heck, they are sagging on me!

Yup my ass looks like a family of five has moved out of them! My favorite jeans are starting to be too big for me.

I am not going to go all crazy and shit and go out and buy new jeans<just yet> I am going to ride it out and see how long it takes me to HAVE to go buy new jeans! Hell I will just start wearing the ones that my ass was too big for!

Anyway, just wanted to stop in and report on my progress. 8 pounds in a week is pretty good, I think. I have 42 more before hitting 50 pounds. Baby steps, that is what I am taking.

Oh and since it is Halloween, I will not cheat, therefore NO ONE GETS CANDY AT MY HOUSE!

5 Pounds So Far!!!!

It is actually happening folks! I AM losing weight FINALLY! I cannot believe it! Although I am not seeing it or feeling it but the scales do not lie!

So, I headed out Monday night to Walmarts to purchase some more ingredients for my shakes. The three flavors I picked to start were not working. I did like the pumpkin spice but the apple flavors...YUCK! Anyway, I needed to get a new scale. A digital readout. I found one that actually tracks the weight of 2 people, perfect, me and the hubby! Well, that is what I picked up first. I plopped it right down in my buggy and was proud because it was under 20 bucks! <fucking love Walmarts>

As I head to the food section I notice people looking in my buggy<okay I confess I do that too, hell I am nosey and want to know what people are buying and I admit I do judge people by what they are buying, I know I am not supposed to do that, I bet you fuckers secretly do it too so step off of me> anyway, people are doing exactly what I do TO ME! They look at the scale and then look at me like, yup the fat girl needs to know how fat she is. I started to get mad at people because they are starring at me. I wanted to yell in the face of everyone that looked in my buggy "Hey fuck you people, I am on a diet and I am trying to track my progress".

So, after starting to fill my buggy with good for you things like unsweetened frozen fruits I started to feel better about the entire shopping trip. I went to the checkout and the checker did not judge me and I was feeling better until.......I noticed I only had two bags and then the scale. The checker bagged up the foods and just laid the scale on top of the bagging thingie. I looked at it and the bags and I looked at my buggy. Not enough items to push out in a cart. So, I swallowed hard and took a deep breath and picked it all up and crammed the scale under my arm.

Fuckers were starting to stare and judge me with their minds again. As I walked out of the store I so wanted to give everyone the one finger salute! I made it to the car safe without slapping the shit out of anyone that thought about saying a word to me. Safe! I am safe from all the mind judgers! Nothing like the fat girl buying the scale!

So, I am on my way to not thinking that people judge me because of my size and weight.

BTW, I have NOT cheated ONCE! I AM blocking that ice cream in the freezer, although it is still haunting me.

I am being haunted by my freezer!

Day three of the protein shake diet and I am doing good. The shakes are actually pretty good. I got 100 recipes and it is kinda trial and error with the ones I like.

For breakfast I have a Mocha Cafe Latte and it is soooo good. And for lunch I have been changing it up. The first day I had a apple cider shake...um YUCK! I was not a fan and had a real hard time chocking it down but I did. Yesterday for lunch I had a pumpkin spice shake and it was yummy! Today I am going to try an apple spice shake which I hope is better than the apple cider shake.
I have been so good and have not cheated once. I have my two shakes a day then a healthy dinner.

BUT.....................

on Friday I said I was going to eat ice cream all day long. Well I did not actually do that. After dinner my hubby and I went out shopping for healthy foods and stuff to make my shakes with. I told him I would have ice cream one last time that evening. So I bought some Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream. LOVE that shit! I sat in the den eating it and loving it but I just could not eat the entire thing so I put it back into the freezer like I always do and get up first thing the next day the eat the rest of it for breakfast <yes ice cream for breakfast, don't you fucking judge me, you all know you have done it or worse so back up off me>.

Well I started my diet the very next morning. Every time I open the damn freezer to get ice cubes out to make my diet shakes I see the fucking ice cream. And when I don't see it, it calls to me from the freezer. It is stuck in my head that it is up there wanting to be eaten, needing to be eaten. I want to eat it and I need to eat it.

Every time I walk by the freezer it is like a damn tractor beam pulling me in and I have no control. I open the door and visit it. I talk to it then I close the door and tell myself  No! Your NOT going to eat it! I should just throw the fucking ice cream in the trash but you what they say about wasting food so I cannot bear to throw it away.

So I guess I will let myself continue to be haunted by this ice cream in the freeze. Damn you Ben and Jerry!

It is TIME! Yup time for the diet!

So tomorrow I am starting THE DIET! Yes! And I am very excited about it. I am going to get back In Charge of my life one pound at a time folks!

I am going to do a protein shake diet. I have been wanting to do a diet like this for a while but never got around to it, not sure why<oh yes I know why, I was fucking shoveling my fat face with ice cream>

So what I will be doing is a protein shake for breakfast and for lunch which works for me anyway. I never eat breakfast and if I do it is on the weekend and it is not good for me. And I get too busy to eat lunch with the work schedule I keep. And then I will eat a healthy dinner. I am making the hubby eat healthy too. He needs to get back in charge of his life too and lose weight. He is not doing the shakes yet. That is on him not me.

I am also going to start to exercise a couple times a day. I own an awesome exercise bike and the Wii Active. I love doing the Wii Active program but my husband was watching do it one night and made fun of me<fucking asshole, I would like to see what his ass looks like doing some of those exercises and not look like a fucking fool too> so I will doing the Wii Active when he is at work and riding the bike in the morning and evening.

So toady I thought all I was going to do was eat ice cream all day long. No I actually had a fucking healthy Subway lunch. Maybe I can counter act that with an over dose of ice cream for the rest of the evening!

I am going to keep you all posted on my progress! Wish me luck!

Where the heck have I been, hell I don't even know!

Good lord it has been way too long since I last posted and I am not sure why. Maybe because I have been busier that an one armed paper hanger or a one legged man at an ass kicking contest or maybe I have just been running around with my hair on fire. Who the fuck knows.
Anyway I am back bitches!

Say Goodbye to Jean Panty Season...Thank Gawd!

Well, this is the time of year I love and I hate all at the same time. I hate Fall because it means Winter is coming and I HATE WINTER!!!! But I love the fact that jean panties will be put away for next year.
First, let me explain what exactly jean panties are. These are jeans that have been turned into panties. TOO SHORT to be shorts so they are called, by me and a few others, jean panties.
Now, not ALL girls/ladies/women look bad in jean panties but some of them SHOULD never squeeze their fat asses into a pair. Or maybe they should NOT make jean panties in plus sizes.
The way I was raised, if your ass cheeks hang out, or if you bend over and your ass cheeks can be seen, those are too short and I would not be able to leave the house, let alone my room in shorts like that. Even when I was a skinny bitch I never wore shorts that short. Leave something to the imagination, would you please.
Big girls, please don't put yourself into a pair of jean panties...EVER! They DO look bad and something that tight and that short cannot be good for the Virginia...yes that is what I said and that is what I call it.
Goodbye to the Fall/Winter season of jean panties, maybe by Spring they will be out of fashion and the knee length shorts that I wear will be in!
Out for now....on the hunt for some...you guessed it....ice cream<damn I LOVE me some ice cream>

Some Phrases Should NOT be Used Around a Big Girl

So last night my husband and I were watching Biggest Loser, yes it does inspire me, so much in fact I started working out again yesterday morning,<gawd get off me, will you, I am working out now, jeeze>. I know, I know, please hold your applause. Anyway, there are three teams this year. The young team, the old team and the in between team. Well there is a lady on the in between team and they are focusing on her for a few minutes. So my wonderful husband who I love more than live itself says <BTW he is a big man like I am a big girl> "you know when this lady loses the weight she will be really pretty. You know she has a really pretty face". What the fuck did you just say darling? I looked at him with that go straight to hell look and he said....."um I mean, well I know, well you know what I mean". Really? Seriously? Do I REALLY know what you mean?
So SICK and TRIED of hearing..."oh but she has such a pretty face" and "she has a great personality" Why is only her face pretty it is after all connected to her body, which no one should really look at...NO JUST LOOK AT HER FACE NOT THE BODY! And what about that great personality, it is also connected to her body. Come on people, just because she is a big girl does NOT mean she is not beautiful from head to toe.
Which brings me to a company in Lawrence, Kansas called Bombshell. It is a couple that takes big beautiful women like myself and turns them into a pin up! Yes, they specialize on making big girls look and feel beautiful. I am planning on becoming a Bombshell one of these days when I can save up the money and not use it on something like ice cream. Here is the like to their website, I have met with them and they are wonderful people who think that big girls have beautiful bodies and not just beautiful faces. <I guess that skinny bitches can be a bombshell too> http://www.bombshells.info/about-us.php Do check them out though. I already have my Bombshell idea and I will make it happen, one of these days.

The Size of my Genes are Effecting the Size of my Jeans!

I come from a line of big beautiful women. My Grandmother on my Mother's side was a big beautiful woman. She has to be one of the most beautiful women I have ever knew. She was always happy and always found good in everyone. I want to be just like her when I grow up! She was a breast cancer survivor too.
My Mother is a big beautiful woman and all four of her sisters are big beautiful women.
My older and only sister is a big beautiful woman and I look up to her every day. She is the mother of 3 great kids and is raising them while her husband is out on the harvest and she takes care of their small farm.
So what I am saying is these are my genes right? It is in the cards for me to be a big beautiful woman, I mean that is how I am programmed right?

So today I was wearing a pair of jeans that I loved last year but I think they shrank over the summer, it was very hot you know. I talked about these jeans and how they made me feel and blah blah blah. Today I HATED them. Not a little but a whole fucking lot! I was pissed off as soon as I put them on till the time I took them off. See how my genes are effecting my jeans.
I decided today that I HAVE TO FIND a better fitting jean for me if I plan to make it through this winter in anything besides sweats and jammie pants. I started looking at one of my favorite places<right now, it could change at any time> JC Penny. I L.O.V.E the Liz and Co. line they have. They have sizes from like 6 all the way up to I believe 18. So I can wear the exact style those skinny bitches wear<even it is does not look as good, it fucking makes me feel good, okay>

I found The Trouser Jean. Hello these jeans are awesome! They have the V button pocket with little studs on the pocket flap<you know the kind all the cool kids wear>. They have a wide waste band with 2 buttons. They fit low on the hip and are flared at the bottom. They can be dressed up or dressed down. I tried them on and I loved the way they felt and looked on me for the two minutes I had them on in the dressing room. I also bought the exact pair I did last year because I loved them so much but in a bigger size. <pray for those jeans because they have pissed me off once and they better not do it again>

So for now I am happy with my jeans that came from my genes. Stay tuned to how I wind up feeling about these jeans as it might all change after I wear them for a extended period of time.
And stay tuned for more on my genes!
Until later......eat ice cream!!!!

Big Girl TV...really?

So what is the deal with special shows about big girls? Can they not be mixed in with the other shows? I mean really!
We all know about Celebrity Fit Club and Biggest Loser. Here they have obese people trying to get healthy. I get it. I watch those shows and I get inspired to get fit, to get healthy<it is wrong I watch those shows and eat ice cream?>to get my body image back on good terms with myself.
But lately I have seen shows that I feel exploit big girls. I refuse to watch them too.
For example, TLC has a series called "Say Yes to the Dress". I do like the show and I do watch it. I love wedding dresses. But they have created one for big girls. It is called "Say Yes to the Dress, Big Bliss" "For a plus-size bride, there's pressure to find the dream dress and the perfect fit, too." WTF? It is all about big girls and them finding their dream wedding dress. Well excuse the fuck out of me but is the NOT what "Say Yes to the Dress" is? I mean let's not let the big girls mix in with the skinny bitches when finding a wedding dress. I mean does this wedding dress store have special days that big girls can come too. What I see is that a big girl comes into that store and TLC is filming. Oh wait...you cannot be on this show, you have to be on the fat girl show. Why can they not have all sized girls on the one show? It really pisses me off that they are not on the same show and they had to put together an entire show of just big girls trying on wedding dresses. Stupid fuckers. Way to single us out TLC!

TLC goes even further to piss me off with a show called "Big Sexy". "The show features five plus-size women trying to make an impact in the world of fashion. The ladies prep for runway shows, hit the beach, and go “boy hunting” all while celebrating and being wholly comfy, not lamenting, their figures."
I watched it once and it is fucking sad. I saw those girls get singled out and made fun of while waiting to go into a club while skinny bitches were let in and when they finally let in the big girls they tried to charge them $30.00 each to enter. That is fucking sad! I don't want to see that! I am a big girl and that does nothing for the body image. BIG FAT<no pun intended> FAIL TLC!

I also found this show called "Drop Dead Diva" on Lifetime, the channel for women<one of the worst channels EVER>. "The series revolves around vapid blonde and aspiring model, who is killed in a car crash. only to be brought back to life in the body of a recently deceased, brilliant, hardworking, overweight lawyer". Oh way to punish that skinny bitch, bring her back as a fat ass. Are fucking kidding me here? Because this skinny bitch was a bad person she comes back as a big girl. Come on really? How about a homeless person? Maybe a person with special needs. Stupid ass show!

Oh and MTV is on the big girl band wagon too. They have a up coming show called "Chelsea Settles, MTV’s latest 324-lb reality star. Settles uproots from her hometown in order to chase her dreams of making a name for herself in L.A.’s image-conscious fashion business. Though she does struggle with her weight (especially after her boss reminds her, "We're in an image business... the fashion industry is very weight-conscious”), she’s presented as a bubbly, mostly confident 23-year-old." Yeah right! Good going MTV, this looks great! Send this for now, bubbly, mostly confident 23-year-old to LA, the home of skinny bitches. Poor girl, she has no idea the heart break she is in for.

So the actual point I am trying to get a cross is that big girls do NOT need shows of their own, put them on the same shows as everyone else. The media is the reason us big girls have such a bad body image, are you fucking trying to make up for that by doing this. If that is the case you FAIL!

Now, I will step down from my soap box and look for those cookies I hid from myself.

Chub Rub....OMG did she just say Chub Rub?

Well from time to time I will let you in a secret language from the big girl. There are words and terms that not everyday people use. Just because I tell you these terms does not mean you can use them in vain against me.
Today term is Chub Rub. I will explain.
Wearing a dress has to be one of the best ways to make a woman feel pretty and like a lady. I love dresses, well I did till I gained all this weight.
I wore all kinds of dresses, little short skirts and shorts and loved it.
After I gained the weight wearing a dress, skirt or shorts did not quite give me the feeling I was looking for. It gave me a feeling that my thighs were doing something I was not used to. <I never knew my thighs liked each other so much>
They are doing something called Chub Rub. This happens when a big girl wears a dress, skirt or shorts which allows her thighs to touch. In my case they now touch all the time. It is BAD on a real hot day if you are walking a lot.<if you are wearing one of those ugly fuzzy sweatsuits, <you know which ones I am talking about, they look like the upholstery in a 1979 LTD>this could start a fire and Chub Rub is not really the problem here, your fucking thighs are on fire, do not run it will only make the fire worse. Throw that fucking sweatsuit in the trash> And it can leave marks and it hurts. NOT PRETTY!
If you are a big girl and do not wear dresses or skirts or short shorts <those are called jean panties and we will get into that later on in my blog> and wonder if you have Chub Rub check the inner thighs of your pants. If the fabric is thinner here than anywhere else, you have a case of Chub Rub.
So in the case I have to wear a dress I have to put on a knee length girdle or as we call it now Spanx<I will get into Spanx later in my blog, evil little fuckers>.
So with my new diet and exercise program getting closer, I hope this takes care of the Chub Rub problem I have. I will keep you posted on it.

Yo-Yo...I got your Yo-Yo or My Life Through Diets

I was born a tiny little thing maybe 5 lbs and got down to 4 lbs. I was a itty bitty tiny thing. Where I am from this is actually a unit of measure, size itty bitty tiny.
As I grew up into a grade school kid I was chubby and short. Shortest one in the class. This is where The Husky Jean came into play. I was always picked to be the anchor for the tug-o-war team. Never asked to run or anything like that. I was always the catcher too. Not much running in that position. It suited my size, I guess. Fuckers, THEY DID THIS TOO ME! THEM AND THOSE FUCKING HUSKY JEANS! <wow, am I bitter or what>And so the body image started in my head
I started to get tall and thinned down in middle school and was an average size in high school. I was in a tragic auto accident right before I graduated high school and got down to about a size 4. SWEET! I look goooood.<was still considered "one of the guys" THANKS FUCKERS.....YOU ADDED TO MY BODY IMAGE>
I went off to college looking HOT and SKINNY but we all know what your first year of college brings...yup the freshman 15, except in my case it was the freshman however fat I can get. Good lord! I gained the 15 plus anything I had lost my senior year. <fucking college dorm food and really did we NEED to have an ice cream machine there too, and did we NEED to have gravy on everything>
I decided to not go back away to college but moved out into an apartment by myself. I was BROKE! Yes broke as a joke. I started to lose weight because I did not much money for food. My food budget was $20.00 a month. <my beer budget was more though, got to have my priorities in line, beer then food, I was not stupid you know> Body image gets better!
I then decided to start exercising! WOW that actually works to lose weight! I lost some but not all I wanted to so I went to a weight doctor. Yup he gave me the BEST diet pills in the world. I went on a 1200 calorie and 20 fat grams a day diet! I lost tons and I looked good AGAIN! But I was fucking hungry!
Well that got to be too much money and I had to drive over a hundred miles to get the pills. So I stopped taking the pills, because they ran out, and I stopped exercising and dieting. I ballooned back up. Chubby! <damn body image takes a hit>
I got a new job and got married but for some reason I lost weight again. Stress maybe? Who knows but if I figure how to bottle it I will make millions! I was HOT once again and was loving it! <yay the body image rises again>
My husband got a job in another state and so off we went all by ourselves. I stayed skinny for a while but then here came the weight again. I have no idea why. I tried the Atkins diet. Good lord did I turn into a bitch and all I wanted to eat was hot foods. Peppers, hot sauce..you name it, if it was hot I ate it. So I stopped that diet after I heard the dude that created it died from a heart attack. Great idea to shovel bacon into your body 24-7. I do love bacon though.
I gained weight for about 3 years and discovered Metabolife! The wonder drug. I started taking it like candy and I lost weight and had energy like you would not believe. I had regular check ups and never had high blood pressure or anything. I was healthy and HOT again! <body image at an all time high>
I was so super skinny that I was wearing a size 0. A 5'7" girl wearing a size 0. I was fucking hot....I thought. I was also going through a divorce and had lost my grandmother and stressed to the max but I thought I looked goooood. I had the cutest clothes too!
THEN it came out in the news that people were dropping dead from these pills. But they were all exercising and I did not do that, why in the hell would I if I was losing weight? Then they announced it was going to be taken off the shelves. WHAT? NO!!! I bought up as much of that stuff I could find! Until one day it ran out and I gained back ALL the weight and then some.....and then some more...and even more. I WAS FAT!
I tried several more things that did not work. Who can lose weight when you are now married to a wonderful man and are so happy. Hell I was so happy that I had ice cream every night. I was HAPPY OKAY! Jeez...get off of me, I know it was not what I should be doing. I punished myself by not buying any new swim suits or shorts and I became a raging bitch and never wanted to go out, who wants to see a fat chick in a swim suit or shorts, Hell who wants to ever see a fat chick. In my mind this is what was actually happening. <there is that body image thing creeping up on me, fucking body image>
So here I am....fat and still happy, but am I really, I mean with my body image or what I thought I should look like? So, I am going to start a new diet and exercise program next month. I will keep a journal of it on my blog. The ups and the downs and I am not afraid to tell the truth about it at all.
Just to be clear, the only way I can deal with the size I am is to make fun of myself. I am not looking for pity or for you to feel sorry for me, that is how the hell I deal!

Jeans...WTF?

Okay let me rant about jeans through a big girl's eyes.
Let's start with...oh wait for it...yes you guessed it...The Skinny Jean. What the hell? Who came up with this name for these jeans? I bet some skinny bitch did. Why call them skinny jeans? Why not tapered at the leg jeans or ankle chokers? And why do you make them in big girl sizes. Oh yeah I bought a pair, I sure in the hell did and I did NOT look skinny in them, waste of money and way to get my hopes up!
How about The Boyfriend Jean. What? What if I am bigger than my boyfriend? Does he wear mine and call them The Girlfriend Jean? And what if you don't have a boyfriend? Well let me just tell you that does wonders for a big girl, um yeah I um really don't have a boyfriend but I got some jeans that are boyfriend jeans, does that count? Why the hell bother!
Oh and The Mom Jeans. Really, mom jeans. Way to make a women feel great about her style and call her a mom. I do know some very stylish moms though and there is nothing wrong with being a mom, oh who the hell cares, this is my blog! What if she is not a mom? What if she can't have kids and really wants to be a mom but all she can get is mom jeans. No, I don't have kids but I want them and can't but I was able to get some mom jeans. SAD! Where the hell does dad jeans come into the picture?
And back in my childhood what the hell is The Husky Jean? Really husky? Do you KNOW what it does to a little girl when asked....what size does she need.....and your mom says size husky?
Well screw that! Where's my over-sized jammie pants and get that box of Little Debbies!
DAMN JEANS anyway!

Finally I figured this out!!

So here I am, trying to be on the social media fast track and I just got a Twitter account a few months ago and now finally a blog. Let me tell you a little about me and what my blog will be all about. I cuss, I have a sick sense of humor and I don't stand for bologna! My blog is about my struggles with being a big girl and my ways to deal with it. I am hoping humor is the way to deal with it and my attempts to just be a healthy girl, which means losing weight. I have been big and I have been tiny and everything in between. I hope you all join me on this journey to just get back in charge! I hope to make you giggle, cry and stop and try to see things through my eyes!