Jeans...WTF?

Okay let me rant about jeans through a big girl's eyes.
Let's start with...oh wait for it...yes you guessed it...The Skinny Jean. What the hell? Who came up with this name for these jeans? I bet some skinny bitch did. Why call them skinny jeans? Why not tapered at the leg jeans or ankle chokers? And why do you make them in big girl sizes. Oh yeah I bought a pair, I sure in the hell did and I did NOT look skinny in them, waste of money and way to get my hopes up!
How about The Boyfriend Jean. What? What if I am bigger than my boyfriend? Does he wear mine and call them The Girlfriend Jean? And what if you don't have a boyfriend? Well let me just tell you that does wonders for a big girl, um yeah I um really don't have a boyfriend but I got some jeans that are boyfriend jeans, does that count? Why the hell bother!
Oh and The Mom Jeans. Really, mom jeans. Way to make a women feel great about her style and call her a mom. I do know some very stylish moms though and there is nothing wrong with being a mom, oh who the hell cares, this is my blog! What if she is not a mom? What if she can't have kids and really wants to be a mom but all she can get is mom jeans. No, I don't have kids but I want them and can't but I was able to get some mom jeans. SAD! Where the hell does dad jeans come into the picture?
And back in my childhood what the hell is The Husky Jean? Really husky? Do you KNOW what it does to a little girl when asked....what size does she need.....and your mom says size husky?
Well screw that! Where's my over-sized jammie pants and get that box of Little Debbies!
DAMN JEANS anyway!