no one except ME!
So the other day I was getting ready to go spend time with my soul sister. She was texting me wondering where the hell I was because there were beers to drink. So I texted her back and said I have nothing cute to wear. She said if it helps you I am wearing jeans, tennis shoes and a hoodie. Um yeah that does! So I put on a cute<I thought> pair of jeans and a long sleeved white shirt, not too tight and not too loose and a black short sleeved black shirt, not too tight and not too loose and my black sparkly chucks. I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought I looked okay. I mean I did not think I looked fat or skinny, just okay.
We got there and there were pics being taken, not of me, but I was in the back ground of one of them. I looked hard and long at myself. WTF happened from the time I looked at myself in the mirror till the time I saw the pic of me? How did I get that I looked okay in the mirror and then like a fat ass in the pic.
Is my image of myself that fucked up? Why is my image of myself so fucked up? How, in my mind do I "think" I look okay to seeing myself look FAT? This is so fucked up and I really am bothered by it.
So it dongs on me that I finally realize what those "People of Walmarts" were thinking. They look at themselves in the mirror and then someone takes a pic of them and they see it and think, WTF was I thinking? I "thought" I looked good when I saw myself in the mirror this morning. Am I doomed to be in those "People of Walmarts" emails now?
I just don't understand what happens to the image of myself from the mirror to a pic of me? I guess the camera adds about 100 pounds in my case! I DO NOT want to be one of those "People of Walmarts"! I think I may have some really fucked up images of myself in my head and I want to know why? Where did they come from and why do I have them?
Fucking People of Walmarts!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Who In The Hell Ever Said "Let Them Eat Cake".......
should have their fucking head chopped off!
Well, so my thirtyish......I mean my 29th birthday has come and gone but it left something behind....my big fat cake eating ass!
This year my sister and 2 of her kids came up to surprise me for my birthday. She did not bring a cake and there was no cake at my house, there NEVER is, which is a good thing. She came up on a Friday night and the next day she wanted me to take her to Sam's Club....TO GET MY BIRTHDAY CAKE. So, I thought oh how nice a small little cake is good. We all love cake and it will be gone in a day with us all having a piece or two.
We get to Sam's and we got back to the bakery and there it is, the heavens opened up and the angels sing......a huge triple coconut layered birthday cake. OMG! I pick it up and it weight 80 pounds! OMG!
A little history on me....I FUCKING LOVE COCONUT! Anything coconut. The taste the smell the fact that it reminds me of being some where tropical. LOVE everything about it. Now the hubby, not so much. He loves the way it smells but hates the taste. THIS poses a problem. That means he will not be eating any cake. Okay, okay I can do this.
We bring it home, after a fucking visit to the chocolate store downtown and after purchasing 5 camel chocolate apples, the plates and all are waiting on the table to eat CAKE! My sister tells me how wonderful it is. It looks great and smells great. Hell I want to rub it all over my lumpy body at this point. Coconut cake, coconut custard in between the layers, three layers, coconut frosting and for good measure, grated coconut sprinkled all over it. OMG I am in coconut heaven...I mean hell!
The first piece is like a, well, like a, um well you know what I mean. It is so damn good. OMG my eyes roll back into my head it is so good! So not even half of that cake gets eaten before my sis and the kids go home, do you think she took any home with her....NO! What the hell am I going to do with this fucking cake. I WILL NOT THROW IT AWAY! Who the fuck throws away a perfectly good cake, not me bitches!
I got it! I will take to to my soul sister's house for the Super Bowl....yeah that's the ticket! There will be a bunch of people there and they will eat that shit right up! So I take it up there and I put it out on the counter and WTF no one wants any. I had to force a slice on one couple to take home with them.
Well fucking great, I have to haul this fucker home and what, what am I going to do with it? I really cannot bring myself to toss it, I mean it is a perfectly good cake. SHIT, I will have to eat the fucker, all of it! Every evening after dinner I had me a slice of it. It is so good and every night I have nightmares of it attaching itself to my big fat cake eating ass. Finally that fucker is gone! Yes bitches I did eat that wonderful cake...all of it.
So now the cake it gone and I am in the clear until...........................
Some friends of mine in the neighboring town decide since they did not see me on my birthday that they will celebrate it last weekend with a....you fucking guessed it.....a damn cake! A wonderful yummy red velvet cake with yummy cream cheese frosting. Three pieces got eaten and guess where the rest of it ended? IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE! So there I was, with another cake in my house. This one was homemade and I could never throw it away. WHO THROWS CAKE AWAY? NOT THIS FAT BITCH! One good thing, my hubby loves red velvet cake so he helped me eat it.....thank gawd.
So today my house is cake free and it better stay that way for a long ass time!!!
People say you can't have your cake and eat it too....well I fucking did, enough to kill a normal person!
Fucking cakes anyway!
Well, so my thirtyish......I mean my 29th birthday has come and gone but it left something behind....my big fat cake eating ass!
This year my sister and 2 of her kids came up to surprise me for my birthday. She did not bring a cake and there was no cake at my house, there NEVER is, which is a good thing. She came up on a Friday night and the next day she wanted me to take her to Sam's Club....TO GET MY BIRTHDAY CAKE. So, I thought oh how nice a small little cake is good. We all love cake and it will be gone in a day with us all having a piece or two.
We get to Sam's and we got back to the bakery and there it is, the heavens opened up and the angels sing......a huge triple coconut layered birthday cake. OMG! I pick it up and it weight 80 pounds! OMG!
A little history on me....I FUCKING LOVE COCONUT! Anything coconut. The taste the smell the fact that it reminds me of being some where tropical. LOVE everything about it. Now the hubby, not so much. He loves the way it smells but hates the taste. THIS poses a problem. That means he will not be eating any cake. Okay, okay I can do this.
We bring it home, after a fucking visit to the chocolate store downtown and after purchasing 5 camel chocolate apples, the plates and all are waiting on the table to eat CAKE! My sister tells me how wonderful it is. It looks great and smells great. Hell I want to rub it all over my lumpy body at this point. Coconut cake, coconut custard in between the layers, three layers, coconut frosting and for good measure, grated coconut sprinkled all over it. OMG I am in coconut heaven...I mean hell!
The first piece is like a, well, like a, um well you know what I mean. It is so damn good. OMG my eyes roll back into my head it is so good! So not even half of that cake gets eaten before my sis and the kids go home, do you think she took any home with her....NO! What the hell am I going to do with this fucking cake. I WILL NOT THROW IT AWAY! Who the fuck throws away a perfectly good cake, not me bitches!
I got it! I will take to to my soul sister's house for the Super Bowl....yeah that's the ticket! There will be a bunch of people there and they will eat that shit right up! So I take it up there and I put it out on the counter and WTF no one wants any. I had to force a slice on one couple to take home with them.
Well fucking great, I have to haul this fucker home and what, what am I going to do with it? I really cannot bring myself to toss it, I mean it is a perfectly good cake. SHIT, I will have to eat the fucker, all of it! Every evening after dinner I had me a slice of it. It is so good and every night I have nightmares of it attaching itself to my big fat cake eating ass. Finally that fucker is gone! Yes bitches I did eat that wonderful cake...all of it.
So now the cake it gone and I am in the clear until...........................
Some friends of mine in the neighboring town decide since they did not see me on my birthday that they will celebrate it last weekend with a....you fucking guessed it.....a damn cake! A wonderful yummy red velvet cake with yummy cream cheese frosting. Three pieces got eaten and guess where the rest of it ended? IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE! So there I was, with another cake in my house. This one was homemade and I could never throw it away. WHO THROWS CAKE AWAY? NOT THIS FAT BITCH! One good thing, my hubby loves red velvet cake so he helped me eat it.....thank gawd.
So today my house is cake free and it better stay that way for a long ass time!!!
People say you can't have your cake and eat it too....well I fucking did, enough to kill a normal person!
Fucking cakes anyway!
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