Monday, October 31, 2011

A Family of Five Moved Out of the Seat of My Pants and......

it is a good thing!

I have lost 8 pounds so far! Before today I had not been able to see or feel the weight I have lost. I did up all the laundry this past weekend and got my Trouser Jeans<L.O.V.E.>out and ironed them up for a new day. I put them on and hey, what the heck, they are sagging on me!

Yup my ass looks like a family of five has moved out of them! My favorite jeans are starting to be too big for me.

I am not going to go all crazy and shit and go out and buy new jeans<just yet> I am going to ride it out and see how long it takes me to HAVE to go buy new jeans! Hell I will just start wearing the ones that my ass was too big for!

Anyway, just wanted to stop in and report on my progress. 8 pounds in a week is pretty good, I think. I have 42 more before hitting 50 pounds. Baby steps, that is what I am taking.

Oh and since it is Halloween, I will not cheat, therefore NO ONE GETS CANDY AT MY HOUSE!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

5 Pounds So Far!!!!

It is actually happening folks! I AM losing weight FINALLY! I cannot believe it! Although I am not seeing it or feeling it but the scales do not lie!

So, I headed out Monday night to Walmarts to purchase some more ingredients for my shakes. The three flavors I picked to start were not working. I did like the pumpkin spice but the apple flavors...YUCK! Anyway, I needed to get a new scale. A digital readout. I found one that actually tracks the weight of 2 people, perfect, me and the hubby! Well, that is what I picked up first. I plopped it right down in my buggy and was proud because it was under 20 bucks! <fucking love Walmarts>

As I head to the food section I notice people looking in my buggy<okay I confess I do that too, hell I am nosey and want to know what people are buying and I admit I do judge people by what they are buying, I know I am not supposed to do that, I bet you fuckers secretly do it too so step off of me> anyway, people are doing exactly what I do TO ME! They look at the scale and then look at me like, yup the fat girl needs to know how fat she is. I started to get mad at people because they are starring at me. I wanted to yell in the face of everyone that looked in my buggy "Hey fuck you people, I am on a diet and I am trying to track my progress".

So, after starting to fill my buggy with good for you things like unsweetened frozen fruits I started to feel better about the entire shopping trip. I went to the checkout and the checker did not judge me and I was feeling better until.......I noticed I only had two bags and then the scale. The checker bagged up the foods and just laid the scale on top of the bagging thingie. I looked at it and the bags and I looked at my buggy. Not enough items to push out in a cart. So, I swallowed hard and took a deep breath and picked it all up and crammed the scale under my arm.

Fuckers were starting to stare and judge me with their minds again. As I walked out of the store I so wanted to give everyone the one finger salute! I made it to the car safe without slapping the shit out of anyone that thought about saying a word to me. Safe! I am safe from all the mind judgers! Nothing like the fat girl buying the scale!

So, I am on my way to not thinking that people judge me because of my size and weight.

BTW, I have NOT cheated ONCE! I AM blocking that ice cream in the freezer, although it is still haunting me.

Monday, October 24, 2011

I am being haunted by my freezer!

Day three of the protein shake diet and I am doing good. The shakes are actually pretty good. I got 100 recipes and it is kinda trial and error with the ones I like.

For breakfast I have a Mocha Cafe Latte and it is soooo good. And for lunch I have been changing it up. The first day I had a apple cider shake...um YUCK! I was not a fan and had a real hard time chocking it down but I did. Yesterday for lunch I had a pumpkin spice shake and it was yummy! Today I am going to try an apple spice shake which I hope is better than the apple cider shake.
I have been so good and have not cheated once. I have my two shakes a day then a healthy dinner.

BUT.....................

on Friday I said I was going to eat ice cream all day long. Well I did not actually do that. After dinner my hubby and I went out shopping for healthy foods and stuff to make my shakes with. I told him I would have ice cream one last time that evening. So I bought some Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream. LOVE that shit! I sat in the den eating it and loving it but I just could not eat the entire thing so I put it back into the freezer like I always do and get up first thing the next day the eat the rest of it for breakfast <yes ice cream for breakfast, don't you fucking judge me, you all know you have done it or worse so back up off me>.

Well I started my diet the very next morning. Every time I open the damn freezer to get ice cubes out to make my diet shakes I see the fucking ice cream. And when I don't see it, it calls to me from the freezer. It is stuck in my head that it is up there wanting to be eaten, needing to be eaten. I want to eat it and I need to eat it.

Every time I walk by the freezer it is like a damn tractor beam pulling me in and I have no control. I open the door and visit it. I talk to it then I close the door and tell myself  No! Your NOT going to eat it! I should just throw the fucking ice cream in the trash but you what they say about wasting food so I cannot bear to throw it away.

So I guess I will let myself continue to be haunted by this ice cream in the freeze. Damn you Ben and Jerry!

Friday, October 21, 2011

It is TIME! Yup time for the diet!

So tomorrow I am starting THE DIET! Yes! And I am very excited about it. I am going to get back In Charge of my life one pound at a time folks!

I am going to do a protein shake diet. I have been wanting to do a diet like this for a while but never got around to it, not sure why<oh yes I know why, I was fucking shoveling my fat face with ice cream>

So what I will be doing is a protein shake for breakfast and for lunch which works for me anyway. I never eat breakfast and if I do it is on the weekend and it is not good for me. And I get too busy to eat lunch with the work schedule I keep. And then I will eat a healthy dinner. I am making the hubby eat healthy too. He needs to get back in charge of his life too and lose weight. He is not doing the shakes yet. That is on him not me.

I am also going to start to exercise a couple times a day. I own an awesome exercise bike and the Wii Active. I love doing the Wii Active program but my husband was watching do it one night and made fun of me<fucking asshole, I would like to see what his ass looks like doing some of those exercises and not look like a fucking fool too> so I will doing the Wii Active when he is at work and riding the bike in the morning and evening.

So toady I thought all I was going to do was eat ice cream all day long. No I actually had a fucking healthy Subway lunch. Maybe I can counter act that with an over dose of ice cream for the rest of the evening!

I am going to keep you all posted on my progress! Wish me luck!

Where the heck have I been, hell I don't even know!

Good lord it has been way too long since I last posted and I am not sure why. Maybe because I have been busier that an one armed paper hanger or a one legged man at an ass kicking contest or maybe I have just been running around with my hair on fire. Who the fuck knows.
Anyway I am back bitches!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Say Goodbye to Jean Panty Season...Thank Gawd!

Well, this is the time of year I love and I hate all at the same time. I hate Fall because it means Winter is coming and I HATE WINTER!!!! But I love the fact that jean panties will be put away for next year.
First, let me explain what exactly jean panties are. These are jeans that have been turned into panties. TOO SHORT to be shorts so they are called, by me and a few others, jean panties.
Now, not ALL girls/ladies/women look bad in jean panties but some of them SHOULD never squeeze their fat asses into a pair. Or maybe they should NOT make jean panties in plus sizes.
The way I was raised, if your ass cheeks hang out, or if you bend over and your ass cheeks can be seen, those are too short and I would not be able to leave the house, let alone my room in shorts like that. Even when I was a skinny bitch I never wore shorts that short. Leave something to the imagination, would you please.
Big girls, please don't put yourself into a pair of jean panties...EVER! They DO look bad and something that tight and that short cannot be good for the Virginia...yes that is what I said and that is what I call it.
Goodbye to the Fall/Winter season of jean panties, maybe by Spring they will be out of fashion and the knee length shorts that I wear will be in!
Out for now....on the hunt for some...you guessed it....ice cream<damn I LOVE me some ice cream>