WTF is wrong with these people in my boot camp. NONE of them have a sense of humor...well at least not like mine. GAWD!
Boot camp continues to go on. Just started our third week. Let me get you caught up on the ones since my last post.
Our second session was okay, not too hard for me but the hubby cried the entire time. He was still super sore from the first session. He could not do jumping jacks or lunges or really anything that made him use his thighs. Big baby! I, on the other hand rocked it, except I had to pee. Really, I was on the edge of peeing my pants so what do I do? Joke about it. Hey, I AM fucking funny but NONE of them seemed to laugh. Come on fatties, we are here in this together, let's laugh and have a good time while we are working out. Nothing. Stupid non funny fatties!
We were unable to go to our next session because we were headed home to OK. So we missed that one, oh well, we will live.
The next week, which was last week we met at a place that had stairs...lots and lots of stairs. I am not the most graceful person, well I thought I was but my hubby always is worried about me falling so now I guess I started believing him and now I am clumsy. So, I was worried about tripping and falling and making an ass out of myself so I took the stairs slow. Um yeah....STAIRS SUCK! And beside the stairs was a hill the exact size of the stairs and we had to run up it, run up it backwards<look bitch I cannot do anything backwards. Fuck I have a hard time backing out of my drive way in my car and you want ME to run up a hill backwards? FUCK!> Well, let me tell you that was hard and took me forever but I did not give up. Then we had to bear crawl<I fucking call it crab crawl but who really gives a shit what it is called, it was fucking hard> We also did these things like wall chairs but we had no wall to use we just squatted down and sat there with nothing to support us. Now I know you all have watched Biggest Loser at least once and the fatties are all yelling and their legs are shaking out of control and I thought...aww zip it and do not be such a drama queen. Well........I was WRONG! This is a real reaction to exercising beyond what you are used to<remember what I am used to, sitting on my fat ass eating ice cream> well my legs were shaking like crazy and I was like WTF is this and it hurt! And all along I was saying funny things and trying to make light of the situation and these fuckers just looked at me like I had trees growing out of my ears. Can I get a giggle or a chuckle from any of you boring fuckers? No! Nothing!
Our second session that week was cancelled because of weather. WHAT? NO! I really was upset about it too. I wanted to go and someone said, you should work out anyway...um yeah are you fucking serious? No, I am not going to do it on my own, I mean how do you think I got the way I look now? Doing it on my own? Yeah right, stupid!
Our third session that week, which was last Friday was....well....how do I say this...A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! So, there is this mountain here and I guess when it snows it is where all the cool kids go to sled. A FUCKING
MOUNT IAN in the middle of town. Well our trainer thinks it would be just dandy to go over there and check it out. OMFG! Really? Is she shitting me? So we start by running up it for as long as we could and then if we have to walk the rest of the way. FUCK! We did this twice. So not only did we have to climb it we had to get back down it to do it again. THEN she wanted us to go up backwards....um read a few sections up to remember how "great" I am a backwards. THEN she wanted us to climb it in a bear crawl. Are you fucking serious? Well I DID IT but I was not happy about it. The entire time I was cutting jokes and saying funny things and all I got back was crickets. Liven up fatties! So when we finished my hubby was like, you really did a good job on the. Oh really, I really did? I was back with the obese dudes and a lady with jacked up knees. What a "good job" I did honey....STFU! That session and the first session to date has been the killers.
So last night we went again. We had a different trainer and she assured us she was the "nice" one. Yeah riiiiiiight. This trainer liked to run. Hey bitch I am in the Advance Beginner WALKING boot camp. Not running.....FUCK! At one point she wanted us to sprint back and forth on this bridge....sprint I tell you...sprint....did you get that. I DO NOT RUN! If someone was chasing me I would just say, go ahead and kill me, I am not going to run. Well I did run a little, maybe call it a jog. I was jogging and this shagnasty was on the bridge on a bike and do you know what he had the nerve to say to me? He said....man that was like a earth quake with you running on this bridge you really are shaking it. My response to him was to call him a fucker, I thought it was funny. No one else did. What the hell is wrong with you people! How about you all go out and buy yourselves a sense on humor and use it, it makes things more fun! So after all of that nonsense we did an exercise where we all walked in a line and the person at the back walked/jogged/ran to the front and so on and so forth. Well when it was my turn I did the super speed walk. Well I am famous for this move. You know like the mall walkers do. Well everyone was cheering me on and very impressed at my form and speed. I laughed the entire time I did it, I did it twice and all I could yell was…”I am squeezing my butt checks, I am squeezing my butt cheeks”. Do you think any of those fuckers laughed, Um NO!
So now I am determined to make these people laugh and it will be my goal before this thing comes to an end.
Lost another pound bitches!!!!
Until next time....LAUGH!!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
I am not going to look like this forever bitches....I'm going to fat camp!
Okay it is not actually fat camp it is an exercising boot camp<I think Fat Camp sounds better though>
So I have lost 12 pounds doing my health shakes and now nothing. I mean I have no idea why I am not losing any more. I mean I sit around all day and nothing so I decided it was time to get serious and join a exercise boot camp. I mean it is to a point that if I have to haul ass it would take me three trips....um yeah...it is time for a change.
I had some co-workers that I used to work with that did this boot camp<one of them actually warned me not to quit after the first day, WTF does that mean?> so last week I decided...hey I can try that! I just happen to check on it at the perfect time because the camp was starting this week! Sweet! Score!
So this past Saturday I had to go weigh in and get measured and meet my trainer. I was so excited to meet her. I was NOT excited to weigh in and get my measurements, oh well they can only get better from this point on...right?
Tuesday was my first day and my hubby decided to do it with me, for moral support he said. Whatever he needs to lose weight as much if not more than me so your fat ass needs to go too! He bitched and moaned about going. "oh this is going to be hokey, and this is just walking and toning, and I have to win and be in first" I told him it was not a competition and that I have heard it is really hard. He was like whatever.
So we arrive at our first location, we meet at different locations outside every week to keep it changing. The hubby is still going on about it and as soon as he meets the trainer he is like, I was an athlete and blah blah blah.
I had been hydrating all day long and I did some stretching exercises earlier that day just to be ready. When I asked my hubby if he had been hydrating he was like NO! And he hoped the trainer was not going to make us stretch because he did not need to stretch and he hated doing that. Okay big boy....whatever you say.
We started out walking, fast. I was able to keep up and I was in the middle of the pack. She stopped us and split us down into two groups, slow and fast. And yes I got thrown in the fast group...GREAT. Oh the hubby was in my group too, because remember...it is a race and he has to win.
We start walking again and go a "station", a station is just a place where we stop to do torture..I mean toning. We do some exercises called...oh hell I can't remember, all I know is WTF was I thinking doing this. We got down in a push up position and hopped our feet up and back and up and back. Then we did the same but on one foot at a time then we were to walk, run if we could, a mountain, okay fuckers, it was actually a mound. We did more of the same torture and then walked more.
<note to remember, I had been drinking tons of water, all day long>
We reach a major street and get along the side walk and use these rocks to do chair lifts with our arms and push ups...more torture. Then we had to so 2 sets of 30 jumping jacks. <oh BTW the hubby was right beside the trainer saying how he could do this and that so she made him to more along with her advanced people in our group...HA!>We stared doing the jumping jacks and I seriously thought I was going to pee my pants right there in front of Gawd and everyone driving by. Thank Gawd I saw a port-a-potty in the park that we pasted.
So she sends us back and as she does I ask her, are we going to do any more jumping because if we are I have to stop and pee. She said yes and sent me off to the bathroom. I guess while I was in there the group stopped for more torture, I missed that and we walked on to another torture station.
By this time I am about to pass out and I am drenched with sweat. Our next torture session is these squats and jump ups. Little piece of advise, G-string panties are NOT the way to go for tortureous fat camp. They were so far up my ass I believe I was tasting cotton. Good Lord, I may have to invest in some granny panties for fat camp....hate granny panties. So after this last station we were to speed walk back to the parking lot where we started.
WE WERE DONE and I HAD SURVIVED! My arms and legs were like wet noodles and I was so out of breath I thought I may kill over right there. The hubby looked even worse than I did. I thought his eyes were going to pop right out his head.
We loaded our broke down bodies into the car and headed to get some dinner. I was not hungry and could not even think about eating at this point but I knew I had to eat something. We decided to hit the local Subway because the last thing I could do was stand in the kitchen and prepare a meal. I got a salad and a water and the hubby got some sammie with bacon on it. WTF bacon? We just did a fucking workout! Whatever. And he got pop and chips. Diet pop and baked chips. So we sat and tried to talk to each other but we both were wore the fuck out. We get ready to leave and the hubby notices that on our receipt there is a coupon for a free cookie<his eyes lit up as he told me> I said NO you are not getting a cookie after what we have been though.
Later that night, the hubby decides he is hungry, again, and feels he needs to eat chips, not baked either. I give him what for but he still eats them. Good job honey.
THE DAY AFTER ARRIVES
And the hubby and I are both sore as hell. But that just means we worked hard right. I feel great and I am doing great with my eating habits! The hubby cried ALL DAY LONG. ALL DAY LONG! And ate bad for breakfast, fast food, and bad for lunch, fast food, so I fixed a healthy dinner. He has the nerve to say to me that I did not give him enough rice and how he did not have enough food. Dude you had an entire chicken salad sammie, half a packet of rice and a container of fruit, get over it!
As the evening goes by he is still crying about how sore he is and wants me to get him this and get him that, hey, get your ass up and work those sore muscles. And then he decides he wants another chicken salad sammie, um no, the leftovers are for tonight's dinner. Then he wants ice cream. I told him no but if he wants I can give him a list to get stuff for me to make him a smoothie. He said no he did not want to go to the store, but he was willing to GO to the ice cream store. So he resorts to eating the rest of the chips. I glare at him and he said, well they are all broken and are crumbs....so, that does not mean all the fat and calories spilled out, he finished the bag. He informed me he may not be able to go to the next boot camp session because he is so sore....big baby, and he goes to bed early.
So this morning, bright and early he asks, are you still sore? Yes honey I am. Then he says he thinks he cannot go tonight and has the nerve to ask me if I think he is being a puss? Why yes, you big strong manly athlete, I do think you are being a puss. So I just got an email from him asking if we are going at the same time and same place.....his ass is going!
BTW...I have lost 4 pounds so far since Saturday!
I will keep you posted on that and my adventures of fat camp!
So I have lost 12 pounds doing my health shakes and now nothing. I mean I have no idea why I am not losing any more. I mean I sit around all day and nothing so I decided it was time to get serious and join a exercise boot camp. I mean it is to a point that if I have to haul ass it would take me three trips....um yeah...it is time for a change.
I had some co-workers that I used to work with that did this boot camp<one of them actually warned me not to quit after the first day, WTF does that mean?> so last week I decided...hey I can try that! I just happen to check on it at the perfect time because the camp was starting this week! Sweet! Score!
So this past Saturday I had to go weigh in and get measured and meet my trainer. I was so excited to meet her. I was NOT excited to weigh in and get my measurements, oh well they can only get better from this point on...right?
Tuesday was my first day and my hubby decided to do it with me, for moral support he said. Whatever he needs to lose weight as much if not more than me so your fat ass needs to go too! He bitched and moaned about going. "oh this is going to be hokey, and this is just walking and toning, and I have to win and be in first" I told him it was not a competition and that I have heard it is really hard. He was like whatever.
So we arrive at our first location, we meet at different locations outside every week to keep it changing. The hubby is still going on about it and as soon as he meets the trainer he is like, I was an athlete and blah blah blah.
I had been hydrating all day long and I did some stretching exercises earlier that day just to be ready. When I asked my hubby if he had been hydrating he was like NO! And he hoped the trainer was not going to make us stretch because he did not need to stretch and he hated doing that. Okay big boy....whatever you say.
We started out walking, fast. I was able to keep up and I was in the middle of the pack. She stopped us and split us down into two groups, slow and fast. And yes I got thrown in the fast group...GREAT. Oh the hubby was in my group too, because remember...it is a race and he has to win.
We start walking again and go a "station", a station is just a place where we stop to do torture..I mean toning. We do some exercises called...oh hell I can't remember, all I know is WTF was I thinking doing this. We got down in a push up position and hopped our feet up and back and up and back. Then we did the same but on one foot at a time then we were to walk, run if we could, a mountain, okay fuckers, it was actually a mound. We did more of the same torture and then walked more.
<note to remember, I had been drinking tons of water, all day long>
We reach a major street and get along the side walk and use these rocks to do chair lifts with our arms and push ups...more torture. Then we had to so 2 sets of 30 jumping jacks. <oh BTW the hubby was right beside the trainer saying how he could do this and that so she made him to more along with her advanced people in our group...HA!>We stared doing the jumping jacks and I seriously thought I was going to pee my pants right there in front of Gawd and everyone driving by. Thank Gawd I saw a port-a-potty in the park that we pasted.
So she sends us back and as she does I ask her, are we going to do any more jumping because if we are I have to stop and pee. She said yes and sent me off to the bathroom. I guess while I was in there the group stopped for more torture, I missed that and we walked on to another torture station.
By this time I am about to pass out and I am drenched with sweat. Our next torture session is these squats and jump ups. Little piece of advise, G-string panties are NOT the way to go for tortureous fat camp. They were so far up my ass I believe I was tasting cotton. Good Lord, I may have to invest in some granny panties for fat camp....hate granny panties. So after this last station we were to speed walk back to the parking lot where we started.
WE WERE DONE and I HAD SURVIVED! My arms and legs were like wet noodles and I was so out of breath I thought I may kill over right there. The hubby looked even worse than I did. I thought his eyes were going to pop right out his head.
We loaded our broke down bodies into the car and headed to get some dinner. I was not hungry and could not even think about eating at this point but I knew I had to eat something. We decided to hit the local Subway because the last thing I could do was stand in the kitchen and prepare a meal. I got a salad and a water and the hubby got some sammie with bacon on it. WTF bacon? We just did a fucking workout! Whatever. And he got pop and chips. Diet pop and baked chips. So we sat and tried to talk to each other but we both were wore the fuck out. We get ready to leave and the hubby notices that on our receipt there is a coupon for a free cookie<his eyes lit up as he told me> I said NO you are not getting a cookie after what we have been though.
Later that night, the hubby decides he is hungry, again, and feels he needs to eat chips, not baked either. I give him what for but he still eats them. Good job honey.
THE DAY AFTER ARRIVES
And the hubby and I are both sore as hell. But that just means we worked hard right. I feel great and I am doing great with my eating habits! The hubby cried ALL DAY LONG. ALL DAY LONG! And ate bad for breakfast, fast food, and bad for lunch, fast food, so I fixed a healthy dinner. He has the nerve to say to me that I did not give him enough rice and how he did not have enough food. Dude you had an entire chicken salad sammie, half a packet of rice and a container of fruit, get over it!
As the evening goes by he is still crying about how sore he is and wants me to get him this and get him that, hey, get your ass up and work those sore muscles. And then he decides he wants another chicken salad sammie, um no, the leftovers are for tonight's dinner. Then he wants ice cream. I told him no but if he wants I can give him a list to get stuff for me to make him a smoothie. He said no he did not want to go to the store, but he was willing to GO to the ice cream store. So he resorts to eating the rest of the chips. I glare at him and he said, well they are all broken and are crumbs....so, that does not mean all the fat and calories spilled out, he finished the bag. He informed me he may not be able to go to the next boot camp session because he is so sore....big baby, and he goes to bed early.
So this morning, bright and early he asks, are you still sore? Yes honey I am. Then he says he thinks he cannot go tonight and has the nerve to ask me if I think he is being a puss? Why yes, you big strong manly athlete, I do think you are being a puss. So I just got an email from him asking if we are going at the same time and same place.....his ass is going!
BTW...I have lost 4 pounds so far since Saturday!
I will keep you posted on that and my adventures of fat camp!
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