WTF is wrong with these people in my boot camp. NONE of them have a sense of humor...well at least not like mine. GAWD!
Boot camp continues to go on. Just started our third week. Let me get you caught up on the ones since my last post.
Our second session was okay, not too hard for me but the hubby cried the entire time. He was still super sore from the first session. He could not do jumping jacks or lunges or really anything that made him use his thighs. Big baby! I, on the other hand rocked it, except I had to pee. Really, I was on the edge of peeing my pants so what do I do? Joke about it. Hey, I AM fucking funny but NONE of them seemed to laugh. Come on fatties, we are here in this together, let's laugh and have a good time while we are working out. Nothing. Stupid non funny fatties!
We were unable to go to our next session because we were headed home to OK. So we missed that one, oh well, we will live.
The next week, which was last week we met at a place that had stairs...lots and lots of stairs. I am not the most graceful person, well I thought I was but my hubby always is worried about me falling so now I guess I started believing him and now I am clumsy. So, I was worried about tripping and falling and making an ass out of myself so I took the stairs slow. Um yeah....STAIRS SUCK! And beside the stairs was a hill the exact size of the stairs and we had to run up it, run up it backwards<look bitch I cannot do anything backwards. Fuck I have a hard time backing out of my drive way in my car and you want ME to run up a hill backwards? FUCK!> Well, let me tell you that was hard and took me forever but I did not give up. Then we had to bear crawl<I fucking call it crab crawl but who really gives a shit what it is called, it was fucking hard> We also did these things like wall chairs but we had no wall to use we just squatted down and sat there with nothing to support us. Now I know you all have watched Biggest Loser at least once and the fatties are all yelling and their legs are shaking out of control and I thought...aww zip it and do not be such a drama queen. Well........I was WRONG! This is a real reaction to exercising beyond what you are used to<remember what I am used to, sitting on my fat ass eating ice cream> well my legs were shaking like crazy and I was like WTF is this and it hurt! And all along I was saying funny things and trying to make light of the situation and these fuckers just looked at me like I had trees growing out of my ears. Can I get a giggle or a chuckle from any of you boring fuckers? No! Nothing!
Our second session that week was cancelled because of weather. WHAT? NO! I really was upset about it too. I wanted to go and someone said, you should work out anyway...um yeah are you fucking serious? No, I am not going to do it on my own, I mean how do you think I got the way I look now? Doing it on my own? Yeah right, stupid!
Our third session that week, which was last Friday was....well....how do I say this...A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! So, there is this mountain here and I guess when it snows it is where all the cool kids go to sled. A FUCKING
MOUNT IAN in the middle of town. Well our trainer thinks it would be just dandy to go over there and check it out. OMFG! Really? Is she shitting me? So we start by running up it for as long as we could and then if we have to walk the rest of the way. FUCK! We did this twice. So not only did we have to climb it we had to get back down it to do it again. THEN she wanted us to go up backwards....um read a few sections up to remember how "great" I am a backwards. THEN she wanted us to climb it in a bear crawl. Are you fucking serious? Well I DID IT but I was not happy about it. The entire time I was cutting jokes and saying funny things and all I got back was crickets. Liven up fatties! So when we finished my hubby was like, you really did a good job on the. Oh really, I really did? I was back with the obese dudes and a lady with jacked up knees. What a "good job" I did honey....STFU! That session and the first session to date has been the killers.
So last night we went again. We had a different trainer and she assured us she was the "nice" one. Yeah riiiiiiight. This trainer liked to run. Hey bitch I am in the Advance Beginner WALKING boot camp. Not running.....FUCK! At one point she wanted us to sprint back and forth on this bridge....sprint I tell you...sprint....did you get that. I DO NOT RUN! If someone was chasing me I would just say, go ahead and kill me, I am not going to run. Well I did run a little, maybe call it a jog. I was jogging and this shagnasty was on the bridge on a bike and do you know what he had the nerve to say to me? He said....man that was like a earth quake with you running on this bridge you really are shaking it. My response to him was to call him a fucker, I thought it was funny. No one else did. What the hell is wrong with you people! How about you all go out and buy yourselves a sense on humor and use it, it makes things more fun! So after all of that nonsense we did an exercise where we all walked in a line and the person at the back walked/jogged/ran to the front and so on and so forth. Well when it was my turn I did the super speed walk. Well I am famous for this move. You know like the mall walkers do. Well everyone was cheering me on and very impressed at my form and speed. I laughed the entire time I did it, I did it twice and all I could yell was…”I am squeezing my butt checks, I am squeezing my butt cheeks”. Do you think any of those fuckers laughed, Um NO!
So now I am determined to make these people laugh and it will be my goal before this thing comes to an end.
Lost another pound bitches!!!!
Until next time....LAUGH!!!
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