THAT Day is Almost Here...Oh Joy!

That day is quickly approaching me. Yes, that day that all big girls hate<really we do, I know, I know everyone thinks it is our favorite day of the year, but it is NOT, surprised?> That day is Thanksgiving. I hate that day! I know that day is about giving thanks and being with family but it is a steep up hill struggle for a big girl. I have actually been at Thanksgiving dinners where I know fuckers are watching me to see how much the big girl eats or how many times I will go back for seconds, thirds and fourths. I NEVER eat a bunch, or I try not too because I KNOW people are watching me.

Why the hell do we have a holiday centered around FOOD? It really is all about the food, and a whole hellava lot of it!

A normal meal, for me, and what I cook, consists of a protein, a veggie and a starch. NOT Thanksgiving dinner, oh hells no!

There is usually 2 main proteins:
-a big ass turkey
-a big ass ham<why a ham you say, ham is for Easter, well not everyone likes turkey so what the hell, cook up a ham too>

Veggies, well let's count them:
-the green bean casserole
-the corn
-the salads<yes I said salads with an S> usually there is 2
-the stuffed celery<of course stuffed with cheese, what else would you fucking stuff celery with you fool!>

Starches, gotta have them:
-the sweet potatoes
-the mashed potatoes
-the stuffing
-dinner rolls
<all with TONS of butter>

Now let's take a look at the section I like to call..............
Others:
-gravy, and it goes on the turkey, the mashed potatoes, the stuffing and you sop up what is left of the gravy on your plate with a dinner roll or two or three.
-a cheese platter, WTF for you say, to fucking munch on before and after the meal
-deviled eggs<causes all kinds of nasty gas in males but they insist on having them>
-some sort of cranberry shit, either in the form of jelly that slides out of a can or a cranberry salad or a mold of some sort

And for the finale.....yes desserts!
-a pumpkin pie WITH whipped cream
-a pecan pie
-cherry stuff<yes that is the name of it, my family has been making it for years and THAT is what the hell we call it>

So, you tell me why the hell we need all of that food on this one day of the year, well wait, there still is Christmas dinner and then Easter dinner. Why the fuck is it all about food?

Thank Gawd They Came Today!!!!

Thank You you Lord Jesus my diet shakes came in the mail this afternoon. I thought I was going to blow the entire 9 pound lose on the entire fucking tub of cookie dough.

So, now what do I do? I have ate a lot of it and I do not want my hubby to know. I am embarrassed about it, ashamed even<oh fuck off, you know you have done shit like that too, don't you judge me>

So, do I go out and buy another tub and transfer the dough into the original tub and then take the empty tub to the office and throw it in the trash there? No, wait, that won't work the hubby helps me clean the office.

Do I hide it under the trash already in the trash can? Do I hide it under the bed? I feel like I am an addict trying to hide my drugs. I mean the shit IS like crack I guess. Well hell now do I need to check myself into a facility because of my so called "habit"?

Maybe he will just forget about it even being in there! Yeah that's it! I mean it is not like HE is going to BAKE something. HA! Yes I did just laugh out loud as I typed that...him...baking...HA!

Okay for now that is my plan, hope that he will forget that it is up there and I will get back on track first thing tomorrow morning with one of my yummy diet shakes. <shit...did you hear that? It's that fucking cookie dough and it is talking to me...SHUT THE FUCK UP IN THERE would you, and tell that ice cream it can fuck off too.....fuckers>

Okay back to me getting back in charge.....peace out homes!

Why the hell would you do that to a girl like ME?

So as you all are aware of ice cream is a weakness to me <ya think? I think I am actually an fucking addict!> But another thing I have a weakness for is chocolate chip cookie dough. Oh man that shit is gooooood!

Well Sunday night my great nephew brought by a tub that my wonderful husband had bought from his son. WTF? OMFG! Really? Why the fuck would you do that when he knows I am on a diet and so is he for that matter. <oh BTW, he was asked to be Santa at work because he has a belly that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly! HA! I LMFAO when he told he that!> Anyway here it is a big ass tub of chocolate CHUNK cookie dough.

So he asks me, will you bake some of those up? Okay I will do that but only one cookie sheet full and I am making them super small. I made some and I ate a few. A few will not kill me right?

The next morning I realize I am out of my diet shake mix and it will not be here till Wednesday. Just knowing that made me think I was fucking starving and there was nothing in the house that I would not eat but all I have in the house is healthy things. So I snacked on some carrots and a slice of ham.

I opened the freeze and saw, yup the Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I actually took it out of the freezer and opened it and looked at it, yup still there. <fucker> Then I went to close the freezer door and saw that damn cookie dough. Hello lover!!! I pulled it out and sat it on the counter. I opened it up and realized it was froze solid. Sweet, no way to munch on that...WRONG! I dug out the melon baller and went to town on that shit. What the fuck am I doing to myself? I worked so hard and have been so good and lost 9 pounds and here I am scraping the shit out of a frozen tub of cookie dough with a melon baller. I have reached an all time low in my life. You fat fuck!

Lord how I hope that shake mix comes soon as I may eat that entire tub of cookie dough and the stupid fucking Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream. THAT is why during a diet I should not have that shit in the house. If it is not here I will not eat it and I sure in the hell am not going to get my lazy ass up to go to the store to buy something like that. Maybe I should send it to the office with Santa and he can have his "bitches" <as he calls them> eat on it there. Hell they have a full kitchen and can bake those fuckers up then they would be out of my mind for good.

Pray that my shake mix comes soon! Fucking cookie dough anyway!

I can see a change, finally!!!!

So even though I have not lost anymore weight since Saturday<fucking pissed about that right there>I did notice something today with my body! <BTW I have not gained any of it back bitches>

As I was getting dressed I happen to look down at my belly button. Now let me remind you I used to have a very cute little belly button. It was all tan and little and had the sweetest little belly button ring in it with a little cute danglie daisy. It WAS cute until I put on this massive amount of weight! Then it was just plan nasty!

Today it looked different than it had in a couple of years. It had gotten to looking like, well how do I say it, well it looked like an eye that was squinting, or like it was shut. It was like, where did my belly button go and why is there no longer a round hole where it should be. My fat was taking over my belly button, my cute little belly button<oh and I took the belly ring out years ago because no one wants to see a fat girl's belly button, let along it being pierced, hell I didn't want to see that fucking thing. So I took it out and now there is just a hole, a hole by the hole where my cute little belly button should be>. Today it looked round again like the eye is opening<not all the way, jeeze, slow down fuckers, I am not breaking weight lose records here> but it is starting to look somewhat like a chubby belly button and not just a obese belly button. I bet you could look in there and see the<no not the light at the end out the tunnel, stupid ass> a belly button!

So I am seeing a change in what my body looks like<to me>! This IS progress!!!!

What in the Tarnation Happened?

I was losing weight and now nothing. I have not lost a single pound since Saturday! I am NOT happy at all about this. I mean 8 pounds in one week then nothing. Makes me was to listen to the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream that keeps taunting me in the freezer!

Maybe my body is like, what the fuck, and is just sitting in neutral, shocked at the lose of 8 pounds that it worked so hard to put on. My body invested a lot of time in those 8 pounds. Maybe it is sad and really misses the 8 pounds.

Whatever it is, it better snap out of it and get to losing again!