I was born a tiny little thing maybe 5 lbs and got down to 4 lbs. I was a itty bitty tiny thing. Where I am from this is actually a unit of measure, size itty bitty tiny.
As I grew up into a grade school kid I was chubby and short. Shortest one in the class. This is where The Husky Jean came into play. I was always picked to be the anchor for the tug-o-war team. Never asked to run or anything like that. I was always the catcher too. Not much running in that position. It suited my size, I guess. Fuckers, THEY DID THIS TOO ME! THEM AND THOSE FUCKING HUSKY JEANS! <wow, am I bitter or what>And so the body image started in my head
I started to get tall and thinned down in middle school and was an average size in high school. I was in a tragic auto accident right before I graduated high school and got down to about a size 4. SWEET! I look goooood.<was still considered "one of the guys" THANKS FUCKERS.....YOU ADDED TO MY BODY IMAGE>
I went off to college looking HOT and SKINNY but we all know what your first year of college brings...yup the freshman 15, except in my case it was the freshman however fat I can get. Good lord! I gained the 15 plus anything I had lost my senior year. <fucking college dorm food and really did we NEED to have an ice cream machine there too, and did we NEED to have gravy on everything>
I decided to not go back away to college but moved out into an apartment by myself. I was BROKE! Yes broke as a joke. I started to lose weight because I did not much money for food. My food budget was $20.00 a month. <my beer budget was more though, got to have my priorities in line, beer then food, I was not stupid you know> Body image gets better!
I then decided to start exercising! WOW that actually works to lose weight! I lost some but not all I wanted to so I went to a weight doctor. Yup he gave me the BEST diet pills in the world. I went on a 1200 calorie and 20 fat grams a day diet! I lost tons and I looked good AGAIN! But I was fucking hungry!
Well that got to be too much money and I had to drive over a hundred miles to get the pills. So I stopped taking the pills, because they ran out, and I stopped exercising and dieting. I ballooned back up. Chubby! <damn body image takes a hit>
I got a new job and got married but for some reason I lost weight again. Stress maybe? Who knows but if I figure how to bottle it I will make millions! I was HOT once again and was loving it! <yay the body image rises again>
My husband got a job in another state and so off we went all by ourselves. I stayed skinny for a while but then here came the weight again. I have no idea why. I tried the Atkins diet. Good lord did I turn into a bitch and all I wanted to eat was hot foods. Peppers, hot sauce..you name it, if it was hot I ate it. So I stopped that diet after I heard the dude that created it died from a heart attack. Great idea to shovel bacon into your body 24-7. I do love bacon though.
I gained weight for about 3 years and discovered Metabolife! The wonder drug. I started taking it like candy and I lost weight and had energy like you would not believe. I had regular check ups and never had high blood pressure or anything. I was healthy and HOT again! <body image at an all time high>
I was so super skinny that I was wearing a size 0. A 5'7" girl wearing a size 0. I was fucking hot....I thought. I was also going through a divorce and had lost my grandmother and stressed to the max but I thought I looked goooood. I had the cutest clothes too!
THEN it came out in the news that people were dropping dead from these pills. But they were all exercising and I did not do that, why in the hell would I if I was losing weight? Then they announced it was going to be taken off the shelves. WHAT? NO!!! I bought up as much of that stuff I could find! Until one day it ran out and I gained back ALL the weight and then some.....and then some more...and even more. I WAS FAT!
I tried several more things that did not work. Who can lose weight when you are now married to a wonderful man and are so happy. Hell I was so happy that I had ice cream every night. I was HAPPY OKAY! Jeez...get off of me, I know it was not what I should be doing. I punished myself by not buying any new swim suits or shorts and I became a raging bitch and never wanted to go out, who wants to see a fat chick in a swim suit or shorts, Hell who wants to ever see a fat chick. In my mind this is what was actually happening. <there is that body image thing creeping up on me, fucking body image>
So here I am....fat and still happy, but am I really, I mean with my body image or what I thought I should look like? So, I am going to start a new diet and exercise program next month. I will keep a journal of it on my blog. The ups and the downs and I am not afraid to tell the truth about it at all.
Just to be clear, the only way I can deal with the size I am is to make fun of myself. I am not looking for pity or for you to feel sorry for me, that is how the hell I deal!
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