It all started the Thursday before Christmas. My wonderful husband and I always exchange gifts with just each other before we head home to the family.
We always do stocking stuffers too. I like to put gum, chapstick, dental floss, socks and a little bit of chocolate in his stocking. Things he is always running out of and will just never remember to buy. <now remember I said a little bit of chocolate> He opened his and was delighted at the things I had got for him in there.
Me on the other had was appalled at the stuff he put in mine. He stuffed it so full of candy that it would not all fit. ALL CHOCOLATE and candies. Oh and a iTunes card, but everything else was candy, oh and some gum, the sugarfree kinda that I like, but EVERYTHING else was chocolate!
Let's see there was a big bag of the mini peanut butter cups<LOVE those little fuckers>, a bag of dark chocolate squares<I know they say dark chocolate is good for you but not in the quantity I eat dark chocolate>, a box of dark chocolate covered cherries<another one of my favs, damn they are good>, a tube of mini M&Ms<which BTW, HE ate!>, a couple of chocolate covered marshmallow Santas<hell I could eat those 24-7>, a bag of dark chocolate Kisses<again not so good for you when you eat the entire fucking bag in one sitting>, and finally a small bag of assorted Jelly Belly jelly beans, a SMALL BAG, these fuckers are FAT FREE and only a couple of calories each and he gets me a small fucking bag!
Anyway, after we open all the gifts we gave each other<we both spent too much on each other but who the hell cares, we don't have kids so we spend it on each other> I start in gorging myself with the candy. Like a fat chick at an all you can eat chocolate buffet! Oh yeah, that was me. I could not eat enough! Finally I stopped and felt like shit. What had I done to myself? Do I go make myself throw up? Hell No! That was a lot of money spent on that chocolate. So I promise myself I will be good for the rest of Christmas and so I pre-measured my shakes and told myself I was going to drink them.
The next day I woke up with a clear mind and a strong heart that I would be good UNTIL.........
My hubby's boss called and said "you have to stop by I have stuff for you". So we went by and she had a loaf of homemade spice bread and a container of cookies and candy. WTF people? She said we could snack on it on our road trip home. Oh jeeze thanks A LOT!<no really it was really nice of her to do that but I have no control>
So we started our journey home and my wonderful sis starts texting me. I made cinnamon candy. Next text, I made peanut butter balls. Next text, I made white chocolate pretzels<and she even sent a picture> Next text, hey I also made cheese logs. OMG what is she trying to do to me? I love all of those things!
Then she informed me that my mother was making two different kinds of fudge AND pumpkin bread. I AM IN DIETERS HELL!!!!
So, there I was surrounded by my family eating like a fat girl at an all you can eat candy buffet! I ate and ate then I ate some more. Oh wait, I forgot to tell you, I made rocky road candy too, I LOVE that shit and ate it till I almost burst open to reveal a chocolate wonderfall<you know like they have at Golden Coral>
So yesterday as I was packing up to leave my sister says, what all are you taking showing me like Vanna White all the goodies leftover. I told I ain't taking shit home! She looked at me like I was crazy. Well? I am fucking crazy....for goodies! She said well at least you can take a loaf of pumpkin bread. Okay I said I would do that. Pumpkin is good for you and it has nuts in it so that is good for you<hey back up off me fuckers, yes I am trying to justify eating pumpkin bread>so I took a loaf.
We finally get home and I see all the crap I got in my stocking. UGH! I HAD to have a few things because the diet was starting AGAIN tomorrow so I ate a few and enjoyed then....UNTIL.....I hopped my fat ass on the scale and about passed out!
So here I sit, drinking my diet shake and kicking myself in the fat ass for destroying all the hard work I had done. Fucking Christmas goodies anyway!
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